Jake Dawkins

The White Room

October 08, 2019

The White Room

I am in a white room.

All alone, sitting on the empty floor with my knees clutched to my chest in a fetal position.

Sobbing.

Sobbing for the weight on me. The hurt. The pain. All negative emotions, for being piled on me and never tended to.

This is my room. My destiny. My deserved state of being.

But where is the Holy Spirit here? He’s supposed to always be with me, right?

I ask him where he is, and I notice a door in the room.

He’s outside it, waiting to be let in.

So I let him in. He walks in, and looks at me in the eyes and tells me two simple words.

You win.

I fall to my knees in awe. In recognition of his power. In acknowledgment that what he said is true. It has to be true.

The Holy Spirit gets down on the ground with me and wraps his right arm around me, comforting me.

Assuring me that I’m seen. That I’m understood.

But where is Jesus in this room?

I ask, and he tells me he’s been in the room all along. I’ve just refused to look at him.

But I look now.

He extends his hand, telling me to stand up. So I stand to my feet, to be greeted by a hug from him.

The holy spirit comes and wraps his arms around me as well.

So where is God the father?

I ask where he is, and I see him walk in the door.

He’s holding a chair.

He places the chair on the ground and asks me to sit. To relax.

The work is done. I win. I can finally relax.

I feel the weight that was on me lifted.

All the pain, all of the sorrow. All of the hatred that I had placed upon myself, lifted.

I rest.

The room is still bare though. Still empty. Still void of hope and life.

I ask God what to do about the room. Maybe add some color? Will that work?

Instead, he tells me to leave the room. It was never for me. I was not made for the room.

So I stand up in confidence. And I leave the room.

When I walk out the door, I’m not greeted by a hallway or another room, but nature.

I feel the warm sunlight on my face and feel the purity of the life around me.

It is good.

I stepped out of a room devoid of hope and into life, with unlimited possibility.

But I didn’t step out alone.

God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit follow me.

They are there with me in the garden.

And I am free.

The Garden


Written by Jake Dawkins, who is an Open Source Engineer at Apollo GraphQL. He maintains the Apollo CLI & Editor Extensions. Loves learning, teaching and is a purveyor of fine memes. You should follow him on Twitter